As I move closer to the trail, I have been doing a lot of
soul searching. I continue to meditate on the reasons why I have chosen to make
the trail my home for the next several months.
When I am out, in the forest, in the mountains, it truly
does feel like going home. I revel in the beauty, the space, the freedom of it,
and it seems to quiet my ever-turning mind. I, like many of us, have trouble
being in the present, and I hope that by living my life at a simpler,
day-to-day pace, I will be able to find my center in the present moment. I am
choosing to think of this thru-hike as a moving meditation.
A decade ago, I could have never imagined that I would be
willingly be going on a hike of this magnitude. During my teens and early
twenties, I turned away from the “outdoorsy” ways of my childhood. And then, in
2006, my younger brother BJ passed away in a car accident. Seeking solace from
our grief, my mom and I slowly started doing athletic events as a way of
celebrating BJ’s life. We rode our bikes from Seattle to Portland twice, and
started going on day hikes frequently. In 2011, we climbed Mount Rainier with
RMI and were able to leave BJ’s ashes at the summit. He loved the mountains,
and had summited Rainier as well as many other peaks with my dad. Last year,
both of my parents and I took a climbing course, and so, my love for the
mountains continues to fill a larger and larger part of my heart. I never feel
as close to BJ as I do in nature. We can’t always choose what happens in our
lives, but we can choose what we do with it. And I choose to celebrate my
brother’s life by living mine to the fullest. I know he would be proud of
the journey I am embarking on, and that I will feel his presence as I walk the trail.
I also wanted to extend a huge thank you to all of my family
and friends who have been so supportive in the months leading up to this trip.
My mom has listened to me pore over every detail without fail, and she is
graciously taking on the responsibility of resupplying Ben and I with food and
gear. Both of my parents are hiking sections of the trail with us, and I can’t
wait for them to be part of our journey. Ben’s dad is kindly taking us to
trailhead at Harts Pass to begin our hike, and will also plan to visit us along
the way. To all of my friends and family, thank you for listening, for asking
questions, for the special (and ultralight) talismans you have given me to
carry along. You make me feel very loved. And, of course, thank you to Ben, for
taking this journey with me. It has been a long time coming.
Mom and I on the summit of Rainier
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ReplyDeleteI am honored that you included part of our journey in this entry. Though I am biased I feel your writing and this upcoming “moving meditation” could evolve in to a book. Your writing is fresh and inspiring. Though the physical peaks you've "tagged" thus far are lower than the mountaineers you've come to know through their books, your vision, your spirit and your ability to bring that to light through writing has reached their heights.
ReplyDeleteI love you infinity!
Mom (the comment previously removed did not include this most important 'sign off' - my technology skills are a work in progress)
Thank you madre, I love you infinity too!!
Delete